Tips

Properly Pooping in a Port-O-Potty

It's been a long time since I've had to use one of these containment's of the worst byproduct of the human species. It takes a certain process to make this experience as "comfortable" as possible even if you never really feel that comfortable.

Here's what you face when you enter the outdoor throne. It's a symbol of greatness when you are outdoors but not so when you first get into the outdoors. The thought of "Man I wish I would of done the deed at home-base before I left," happens all the of the time, and is impossible to avoid.


Smells, depending on the state/country you're in could be horrendous, or could be actually pleasant.  Testing those waters can be detrimental though, and is best to assume that they're all bad, leading to the first step.

Step 1: Take a deep/hold your breath. Before entering in it's best to take a deep breath and get that last taste of fresh air before entering this catacomb of hell.

Step 2: While inside, breathe through your nose. I know what you're thinking, but breathing through my mouth eliminates the chances of smelling the putrid stench. When not breathing through your nose, you are not filtering the air around you. That is the purpose of your nose and why things have a smell at all. A bad smell indicates that your body does not like it.  It's exactly similar to how your body handles pain. So when you breathe through your mouth you are breathing in "brown particles" unfiltered.

Step 3: Establish your base.  I know a few people who have barebacked these bad boys.  I don't know why they do, disgusting.  Establish a base by either, using a seat cover (rarely are they inside) or by folding up toilet paper making your throne going from defenseless to being a castle. You should never take your chances of using a single layer.  Tripling/quadrupling up the toilet paper can make your throne not feel like it's been used by thousands of people a year but only cleaned 4 times within the same duration.


Now you are ready.
Step 4: Finish by closing the lid.  This will help contain the smell and make the experience for the next person, not as bad.  Still not a great experience, but not as bad.

Step 5: Hand sanitizer.  Make sure when you get back, to sanitize your hands.  People are doing their business then touching the lid on the potty then the door.  Germs are everywhere there and the last thing you want in the outdoors is to get sick.  Hand sanitizer comes in tiny bottles and costs less than $2 at Kro-Ghetto.  Don't be stupid.


And of course, don't be an ass and keep garbage out of the port-o-pottys.  I don't want to imagine how difficult it actually is to dig it out.


Side Notes:
a) Not all port-o-pottys have toilet paper.  BE PREPARED AND BRING YOUR OWN.
b) At night, make sure to bring a headlamp.  They don't have lights in there.
c) Not all port-o-pottys have locking doors. Might need a spotter unless you want to have a chance encounter.

With this quick tutorial you can now use the port-o-potty in the most comfortable setting.  It's not as good as home, but hey it's better than pooping in a hole you just dug yourself!

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Meet the Author:
Steve W Weiss: Snowboarder, Climber, Beer drinker...oh and Blogger.  Cleveland-native who moved West to Utah to fulfill a life of mountain fun.  Keep up with me on my Twitter or Facebook! Have new posts sent to your email!
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Weiss

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2 comments

  1. AndyTuesday, August 21, 2012

    I hate these things. One of the worst I went to had flies swarming inside. Nothing like trying to do your business while worried that I fly is gonna crawl up in your business :)

    The hand sanitizer is key, but I also carry a small bottle of Lysol. They make travel size ones which a very small and convenient. It was a lifesaver on my recent trip to Germany.

    Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WeissTuesday, August 21, 2012

      That's one of my biggest fears is getting insects, "up in there". haha

      Small bottle of lysol? Good freakin' idea. I gotta add that to my essential camping gear.

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